7:30am

I awoke today at 07:30 am and could not get back to sleep 😦 come to think of it I awoke just as tired as when I fell asleep 7 hours earlier. Is it possible that the brain can go on strike? if not I wonder if it can just decide to go on ‘half effort’ or something? I have felt for about two months now a serious case of what I call being ‘knackered’ I am informed by a Dr friend of mine its really called chronic fatigue!!! I think sometimes that my work ethic is the cause of this ever decreasing spiral of energy but I think this is a very intrpspective heroic POV which I want to believe mostly.

What ever way you look at it, bottom line is I am tired, I am tired of so many things in my life and I know I shouldnt be… (work is great, family is wonderful) so I can only think its something deeper. Some where in the deep in the recesses of this rusty mind is a chapter waiting to end before I can start a new one. I very much feel the same when I come to the end of reading a book.. just desperate to close that book and start another! The most annoying thing of all is that I can hear myself giving the lethargic me, lots of sage advice which I know to be true.

Anyway the day was not mine it was ‘Mrs Ethernat’s’ as it was a special day, her birthday was here and we were off to GunWharf quays to shop and have a meal, a family tradition of sorts. What is ‘Mrs ethernat’s’ age I hear you ask? Well that would be telling, but it goes enough to say that if every man is as old as the woman he feels then I am almost certainly for the next 30 days feeling a woman who is the same age as my tired body.

Melancholy in May

I am ambivalent about birthdays, I think we all get that way when we have experienced enough of them; I am in a melancholy mood to think I too wil be a year older in 30 days… how melancholy?… well if you ask, I believe that birthdays seem less and less a milestone of the years gone past and more and more a sick and haunting reminder of how little I have grown. How foolishly fickle am I who cling to these facile thoughts of how much better next year will be and so with every flicker of fates flame I am reminded that this is who I am, irrevocably irrelevant and destined for no doubt less than I dreamt so many years ago…

In summary

I am sorry readers, I am pathetic soul this afternoon, like a small boat in a storm just waiting for these dark winds to pass and then make sail for calmer seas. I suppose getting older is not such a bad thing, Perhaps when I get down again I should think of the alternatives!

Be great – N –

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